Clients from hell (or, some light partial humor)

I think a lot of working pros will be able to relate to this list, see the satire in it, and then commiserate with me that I was only partially joking…

Without further ado, in no particular order:

– Those who ask for endless retouching revisions, all of which creep increasingly outside scope – masking out figures to place from a location shot to garnish a text page in a brochure

– Those who haggle price with you til the last cent, then pay late (big companies are notorious for this; it’s as though there’s an internal KPI for creditor days – the higher the better)

– Those who haggle price with you til the last cent, and don’t pay at all

– Those who haggle price with you til the last cent, agree, then question every item on the bill again at payment date whilst of course contesting half of them

– Those who after agreeing price and scope, sneak something in under the pretense of ‘oh, can you also help me out with something small?’ (which is of course neither small nor easy)

– Those who pay for a fixed number of shots but ask for all of the raw files or expect at least 50% more final delivery shots, knowing you’ll produce far more than agreed to ensure the scope is completely met

– Those who ask for uncompressed maximum resolution 16bit CMYK TIFF files, then complain they can’t open them because their computers have ‘insufficient system resources’

– Those who don’t actually pay your work more than a cursory glance before finding one shot they didn’t like in the 200 you delivered, then demanding a discount even though they loved everything else

– Those who specifically look for one image they don’t like, so they can complain to you non-stop about it afterwards so they can get a discount

– Those who think their problems with other unrelated contractors are your fault, and either use that as an excuse as to why they can’t pay, or why they expect more from you

– Those who ask for your style, then hand you a book/ magazine/ menu and say ‘copy this’

– Those who approve every single shot on the camera review screen, then complain that you didn’t give them what they asked for afterwards

– Those who don’t supply any of the agreed props or items

– Those who supply you with objects or food to be photographed that are obviously unpresentable – they may be scratched, dented, cracked, partially eaten, or generally used

– Those who complain that your make the food look overcooked, when in fact that was the way it came out of the kitchen – identifiable by the fact that only the roast looks too dark, but every other object on the plate looks fine

– Those who don’t supply any of the agreed equipment/ props/ garnishes/ sauces/ spare parts

– Those who aren’t on time, and worse still, don’t tell you that they’re running late

– Those who want fully processed and retouched images the day after the shoot

– Those who expect you to reschedule all of your other shoots to accommodate them

– Those who leave all decisions to their creative agency, whose vision is substantially different to their own…you can imagine what happens after that

I’ve just realized that this list isn’t that funny after all, I’ve had some clients who qualify for almost every single item…MT

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